Please help make the following changes from the professor. i have attached the bucket 2 and bucket 3 to this question.
Here is the feedback:
Hi, thanks for sending in the draft of bucket 2 and the list of additional sources. The articles are good and seem to offer a lot. I have reviewed the draft of the bucket and would be happy to Zoom with you about it. As with the early drafts of the first bucket, I think more sources and more depth are needed. The attached document shows places that illustrate the key needs. The paragraphs are color-coded following the scheme shown below. Where the first few words of a paragraph are one color and the rest are another, two or more concerns are found in the paragraph.
Before the writing points, let me ask you to apply the indentation format needed in Chapter 2. This may seem like a detail, but it really helps show the relations and connections among the content you are sharing. Per the TCS Guide, each major section (e.g., bucket 2 of a chapter) gets a centered, bold heading. Sub-sections under those get a bold heading flush left against the margin. Sub-sub-sections are also bold, flush left, and italicized.
Here are my feedback points and their highlighting color
Use your own voice more (grey highlighting)
At several points your paraphrase of the content drawn upon is likely very close to the language of the article youre drawing on. It sounds overly technical, academic and complex, and in some cases shows the accent of quantitative specialists. I have highlighted several of these. They are in most cases not clear or have a particular meaning that isnt explained. Work on expressing these and similar ones in your own language. Ask how would I say this so that a non-doctoral student would understand what I mean?
Add more sources (blue highlighting)
Each bucket needs more sources than what is here. There are about 17, but many of these are used just once. A big handful are used frequently. Dig deeper and add more sources, as you did with bucket 1.
Add more depth (purple highlighting)
In many cases you cover a big topic in a few sentences. A key concept (e.g. communication in virtual teams, or leadership skills needed) might be presented in a paragraph of four sentences. You state a summary-level view of an article, but dont expand, illustrate, or unpack the content. How the scholars reached their conclusions isnt explained. Nor is there any addition of your conclusions, e.g. when the definitions are reviewed, you might tell us which definition this Dissertation will use, and why.
Synthesize rather than report (yellow highlighting)
A Dissertation is an interpretive review of a wide range of scholarship. This means that in most paragraphs multiple sources should be used and, importantly, that you should focus on a concept or theme to which multiple sources contribute. Bring together (synthesize) the inputs of several authors, explaining first what the scholarship as a whole says, and then reviewing the particular authors who are component-contributors to the idea / theme / topic at hand. In most parts of this draft, the focus is on article A, then Article B, and so on. This creates the feel of a report on sources rather than an integrative view of the whole. Shift the focus to what you learned, first, and see the particular articles as sources of that insight (rather than as your primary subjects).
Move method thoughts to ch. 3 (green highlting)
Chapter 2 is all about existing scholarship and its meaning and gaps. Some of what you have here really is more suited to chapter 3. Delete what is here and put it in a holding area for when you start that chapter.
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